Im the Mom of an Only Child Stop Saying These 5 Things to Me

Im the Mom of an Only Child Stop Saying These 5 Things to Me Growing up, if anyone asked me how many kids I wanted to have some day, I always used to offer a rangeSomewhere between four and six,Id say. Adults used to raise their eyebrows at that number because, well, what teenager says she wants six kids? But I did.Wrapped up in my geistesbild offour to six kidswas the idea that Id stay home to tackle the housework (and write bestselling novels, of course). When I realized how much I loved working and building a career, that discovery came with a necessary adjustment to my plans. So my range shrank totwo or three kids.Then I got pregnant. I had it relatively easyminimal morning sickness, no complications, just swollen ankles and heartburn. Yet I didntlikebeing pregnant. I most certainly did notlikegiving birth. And those first several newborn months? Yeah, definitely dont want to repeat that sleep-deprived haze of postpartum anxiety and depression. The range shrank again, down to ju stone.Now Im the mother of a toddler. When were feeling particularly mushy, my partner and I will look at our curious, bright, babbling daughter, and one of us will say I canalmostsee why people do it again. Then the other will say, Almost, but not quite.Jokes asideI do understand the impulse. I yearn for those quiet moments cradling a tiny baby in my arms after she fell asleep at my breast. I also yearn for the pre-baby days, though, and for many other moments that are in the past. When it comes down to it, I know that for my family and my circumstances, one child is the right choice.So it rubs me the wrong way when I hear the saatkorn few refrains from people who dont understand my choice to have just one child. Here is just a sampling of the stuff Im sick of hearing1. Youll change your mind.Its not just behauptung four words that bother me, although they do suck. Its also the knowing tilt of the head, the condescending smile. I acknowledge that we cant know anything with 100% cer tainty, and yes, people in the history of the worldhavechanged their mind about having only one child. But I am telling you my truth in this moment. Those years when I claimed I wanted a full house? I hadnt actually birthed a child before or changed four poopy diapers in two hours. Now I would argue I am mora informed than I have ever been.2. Wont she be lonely?I do have some guilt over this one, so please stop rubbing salt in the wound. Yet although I have a phenomenal relationship with my brothers and sister and all their spouses, I know more families marred bypainful sibling relationships. So theres no guarantee my kid will be any happier with a brother or sister. Plus she has plenty of friends, between daycare, her cousins (who all live nearby), and everyone in between.3. Who will help her take care of you when you get old?Im not about to procreate for the express purpose of having more help when Im elderly. No, I dont want my daughter to feel burdened by caring for her parentsb ut thats no reason to bring another wholelifeinto the world, and I think its more a matter of ensuring she knows that we dont expect her to do it all herself.4. Youll see when you have another.Two things wrong with this phrase firstly, it assumes that youre having another (and a surprising number of people do assume), and secondly, its invalidating. Undoubtedly parents of multiple children have a difficult job. But has anyone in the world ever really liked playing thewho has it worsegame? You probably remember how hard you found things when you had a single child, and you too probably hated it when anyone suggested that was easy.5. Now you just need a boyGross. Just, gross. What is it about a boy that you dont get in a girl? Or vice versa? I fundamentally disagree with the premise that the biological sex you are born with determines whether you like playing in the dirt or playing with dolls. Gender is fluid, as we are learning more and more these days, and we should encourage our ch ildren to pursue anything that interests them, gender norms be damned. Whats more, THERE IS NO GUARANTEE THAT I WILL HAVE A BOY THE NEXT TIME. Do you expect me to just keep popping out babies until I get a boy? No thanks.I may come across as flippant but its only a defense mechanism, learned over time as Ive shielded myself from constant questions and comments about my only child. I love my daughter and at least for now she is the only kid I can foresee for my family. I respect those families who feel able to bring another child into the world. I trust that they have carefully considered that decisionso I ask that I am met with the same trust.--Kelsey Down is a freelance writer in Salt Lake City who has been featured on publications including Elite Daily, VentureBeat, and SUCCESS. Shes covered fun stuff like why TV reboots need to stop and how to hack sleep as a workout, and she also writes about personal and family wellness. Follow her on Twitter kladown23.